Man’s Guide to Dating – When She’s Not into You

How much do you think your actions make or break your approach with any woman? Over half.

Yup, that’s right. And of that half (a bit over, but you get the point) almost 40 percent of your success rate is based on your tone of voice, the speed at which you deliver your message, and the way you choose to close each sentence (with either an up or down inflection). The tiny amount left over is the message/pickup line of which you are actually delivering.

The truth is, women have decided how open they are to you before you’ve even finished your first sentence. Now just think about that for a moment. Imagine how much time, money, effort, and heartbreak you could save yourself if you knew which women were not into you within the first 30 seconds of introducing yourself.

A lot.

And while it is a worthy effort to always be improving on your delivery – it is equally worthy to know the signs of when it is time to cut your losses and move on to the next.

5 Signs She’s Just Not Into You

X Marks Her Heart

Body language classes talk about the use of placing objects between you and the person you are communicating with as a sign that your presence is making the other person uncomfortable. The objects most women have available at all times is her arms, and she will cross them in front of her heart to distance herself from you as much as possible. She may also position herself further behind a chair, table, or friend. It is possible to make a comeback from here with a quick conversation change, but if she continues to block you, just move on.

Like the Back of Her Hand

When an animal shows you its belly, it is a sign that it trusts you and it’s welcoming you to approach its most vulnerable area. Women are no different, other than having slightly different vulnerable areas. A woman’s vulnerability is her chest (as we have already mentioned), but also her palms, inside arms, and knees. When you are making a woman uneasy with your approach she will close off all access to these tender areas, leaving you with the only option to quickly change tactics before you lose any possibility of recovery.

Eye Roll

You’ve probably seen the eye roll displayed on television and film and thought to yourself, Dude, can’t you see she isn’t interested. And that is what other women are thinking when they do the same thing to a nervous/shy guy, and he just isn’t paying attention. Keep in mind, this eye roll is often subtle and is meant to let other people watching know that she is not with you. But you have to be watching her body language close, otherwise, the eye roll is easy to miss.

Opposites (Sometimes) Repel

I hate the phrase, “opposites attract,” because quite often they actually repel. And it isn’t a sign that you’ll eventually grow on her, but that you better change the topic and fast. This is a phenomenon that you can literally witness by a woman’s vertical leaning. When a woman is into you, she can be seen leaning in your direction. She wants to smell you, hear your voice, and make the room feel smaller. When she is not into you, she will pull away, sometimes leaning back to the point of needing to brace herself so that she doesn’t fall. This motion of repelling can also take the form of moving the front of her body towards the direction she’d most like to go, which is usually the exit.

Caught in Your Headlights

I think this phrase says it all because when you take a woman by surprise, and the surprise is not a good one, she doesn’t really know what to do. She kind of appears as if you’ve just caught her in your headlights. She doesn’t want to egg you on so that she has to talk to you longer, so she just kind of freezes and hopes that you will go away. This is when a lot of guys crank up the brightness and try to get her attention with a bolder statement. But here is another way to look at it. Maybe your approach was already too much, and you actually need to tone it down.

Putting it all Together

In a perfect world, you could notice one of these signs and know exactly what you were doing wrong. In the real world, you have to watch for all the signs, because they usually come in combo packs. It is the combination that will let you know if you are either trying too hard, not hard enough, or maybe it is just cold in the room or she is having a bad night.

Too Strong

For instance, if all of the signs above are present (i.e. she is trying to move away and is acting stunned), you have probably come on too strong. Women need a bit of time to warm up to your advances, and that’s when you can get a bit more playful with your banter. If you’re too playful too soon, she may take that as a threat. However, if you notice only one or two of these signs, you may want to hang in a few seconds longer to make sure you’re reading her right.

Too Weak

The opposite of coming on too strong is coming on weak, which is often designated by eyes rolling or moving her attention and physical body away from where you are standing/sitting. This means you’ve lost her interest. Once again, if only one of two of these is making an appearance you may be able to amp up your delivery and recover. However, if you are noticing four or more, then she is just not into anything you have to offer and it’s probably best to excuse yourself (sooner than later).

Waving the Flag Before You’ve Lost

The first step to any approach – is actually making the approach. Some guys try to read a woman from across a room before even getting up off their arse. You’re missing out on a lot of opportunities if you do this because a woman’s physical impression can be quickly swayed if you make a good verbal impression. Yeah, it is always good to get a woman’s attention and meet her eyes long enough to turn it into an excuse to go over to talk to her – just don’t read too much into these early/superficial engagements.

About Dr. Eric J. Leech

Eric has written for over a decade. Then one day he created, a site for every guy.

About Dr. Eric J. Leech

Eric has written for over a decade. Then one day he created, a site for every guy.