Marni Kinrys, from the Wing Girl Method, has been coaching men on the art of meeting women successfully for years. She is a best selling author, the host of the popular Ask Women Podcast, and most importantly, we think she knows what she’s talking about.
Guys have been relying on other men to tell them how to meet women since the very beginning. It seems logical to us that if you really want to know what a woman wants, you should go straight to the source. And this is what we’ve done today. We’ve phoned up the Wing Girl and asked her straight up—What do you know that most other dating coaches don’t?
Care to hear what she had to say?
Urbasm: Who is a guy’s best wing person; a girl, guy, or a dog?
Marni Kinrys: Well, obviously I am going to say me. I really think that having a wing girl is way better than having a wing man. Dogs and babies are pretty good too, but women are really great. I know for myself as a woman, we get really pissed off when we are talking to some great guy, and he says—Oh, and here’s my friend. He turns out to be a dud and can’t speak for himself, and I say, But I am so into you. There is no competition with a wing girl because she actually validates herself to other women.
Urbasm: Are there any rules a wing person should follow to help their friend succeed?
MK: You have to be able to bring out the best in the person you are with. It is really important to understand psychologically how other humans work. That is where a lot of the techniques and tools come from that I use and coach with.
Urbasm: Is there ever a time when it is better for a guy to approach a woman alone?
MK: I think there are situations; It is bold and great for a guy to approach a woman on his own. She can tell a lot about who he is by the way he carries himself during that approach.
Urbasm: We’ve heard that you don’t like pickup lines. What should guys be doing instead?
MK: I think that they should be using my method for having conversation, which involves observation, sharing and asking. A lot of guys go up to women and probe them, and ask them question after question trying to figure out what topic they are going to want to open up about. Instead, they should be leading by example and opening up first. For instance, you start out by making an observation about the world around you—about her; about the weather, whatever. And then you follow up that observation by sharing something. So you expand on why you made that statement, and when you share, that is when you inject emotion to what you are saying. That is when it gets her more information to learn about you, and then after you do those things, you can ask questions and open the conversation up to her.
Urbasm: Does that approach work with all women?
MK: Yeah. Of course there are certain women who have their own rules. But the main thing about what I teach is to own who you are so that you can select the women who enter your life and make sure she fits into what you want. So if you happen to clash on certain rules, it can be a great thing, because then it is something to tease her about. But you do have to own what you want most, because some women are going to be a stickler with their own set of rules. The important thing to remember is that it is you who chooses whether or not you are okay with her own rules.
Urbasm: How important would you say that a man’s appearance is compared to his approach?
MK: The approach is way more important. But you always want to be put together. You have to own who you are. It is more about character, and it is more about how you say something as opposed to what you say. Women are looking at what is behind what a man says; what is behind the way he acts. That is what we really connect with.
Urbasm: What is the process a man with ‘approach anxiety’ can use to put himself in the right state of mind before approaching a woman?
MK: If you have trouble approaching women, you typically also have problems with approaching other strangers. Start off with an old guy sitting on a bench before you start approaching the women you want to be sleeping with. I tell people to go for a week straight and approach ten people a day; see how people respond. Are they throwing water in your face, or are they actually being open? If they are not being open, is it their problem or is it your problem with the way you are approaching them? How is your body language? Are you looking people in the eye or are you being uncomfortable? It is really about taking notice of yourself. If you are really being as open as possible, I guarantee that you will have a really good response from other individuals.
Urbasm: Is there any advice you give guys that seems to be the most difficult for them to learn?
MK: Guys have the hardest time with being rejected , how to talk to women, and how to continue a conversation. A lot of guys break in with a single line, and then they expect the women to carry on the conversation afterwards. I have lots of tools for men to continue any conversation in an attractive manner.
Urbasm: What is some of the advice that most dating coaches get wrong in your opinion?
MK: A lot of dating coaches who are men get it wrong about what women are thinking and what they want. They just don’t know. A lot of them have theories, and are close to being right, but ultimately they do not have the information that is in my head. One thing I have noticed is that a lot of dating coaches actually have a horrible dating life.
Urbasm: You’re kidding?
MK: Yeah, it’s crazy. I was doing this interview yesterday with this woman about why men cheat, and she was saying that she has never been cheated on and has never cheated. And I thought that was interesting that she could speak on cheating when she has never really experienced it. She is also a dating coach, and she is not really dating anyone. So that is what they are getting wrong; they are not practicing what they preach.
Urbasm: What do you think makes your program better than a lot of the other ones out there?
MK: The feedback I have received is that it is real and authentic, and that I am really just telling people to ask for what they want. To put whatever they want out there in a really confident manner. Another difference with my program is that I am a woman. Most people that give advice to men—are men. I am not just a woman that gives you flowery advice, like to compliment her, buy her flowers and bend over backwards. I tell you what works and what doesn’t work.
Urbasm: What are your three best tips every guy should know for how to seduce a woman they’ve never met?
MK: One, know what you want and be clear with your intention. Two, don’t play it safe because playing it safe means that you are not putting what you want out there, and you are being too polite and nice—in other words, boring. Don’t be afraid to touch, be bold, and go for the kiss.
Urbasm: Do you think guys should read the signs before going for the kiss, or just do it.
MK: Do it. But it is not like I am endorsing you to ignore what she is saying. The point is that you can spend your life looking for signs of what somebody else is saying or doing. You can look for strong indicators that she would be interested in kissing you; like batting her eyelashes, leaning into you, and lingering by the door when she is saying goodbye. These are all strong indicators that she wants a kiss. But most importantly, listen to the sign in your head that says, I want to kiss this girl right now, and I am going to unless she says not to.
Urbasm: Great, and number three?
MK: Three, don’t cover stuff up. Go for what you want and ask for what you want. What is the worse that can happen? The woman says no? Great; move on, because you’ve got twenty other options.
Urbasm: Thank you Marni, it has been a pleasure.
MK: Thank you; it’s been fun.
Marni Kinrys is the ultimate Wing Girl. She has worked with hundreds of thousands of men all over the world to help them understand women so they can attract, date, seduce and get any woman they want… without being jerks. Her methods are based on one key principle: “You gotta turn yourself on before any woman will ever be attracted to you.” Over the past years, Marni has collaborated with the top male attraction experts and has been featured in The Los Angeles Times, CNN, Fox News, Men’s Health, Penthouse, Askmen.com and more. She has been awarded the “World’s Best Female Pick-Up Artist” from the World Pick-Up Artist Summit in Hollywood, and the “World’s Best Wing Girl” at the Global Pick-Up Conference.
Get more dating advice and seduction techniques:
How To Seduce Women – Insider Tips From A Female Dating Expert
The Truth About Seduction Dating and the Pickup Artist
The Art of Seduction – Interview with Zan Perrion