How Porn Affects Your Relationship

Betty Page may be the oringinal centerfold for the last century, but porn dates back at least 35,000 years. And this claim can be backed by the scientists who unearthed a larged thighed, ample breasted, and very sexually aroused statue of Venus from what we’ll call a group of creative and artistic cavemen. It was difficult to see the resemblence of a woman in the statue, considering the relatively small head and stubby arms, but porn has never been a stikler for reality.

But just because porn has been around since man could sculpt/paint does not necessarily mean it is healthy for your relationship – or does it?

The Nude Female Explained

Therapists have looked at the erotic nude woman for years. One, because they too get off on it, and two, because they have been trying to figure out why man can never get enough. But the answer is simple: man is built to propogate the planet, and so there is always a tremendous drive to seek out naked women. And porn (and erotic art) just happen to be the simplest methods to achieve this.

Men Watch Porn

A lot of men watch porn based on statitics. How many? Well, that is not so easy to say, as the average of all statistics would suggest that anywhere from some (40 percent) to most (90 percent) men do. Such a vast difference in numbers is likely based on the subjects and how honest they are willing to be at the time of the survey. Girls have the same problem with being honest about their porn watching when cornered into a survey. But never-the-less, there we do have some idea of where most stand with that topic.

Survey says:

Women Get Off Too

Over a decade ago, researchers at McGill University monitored the temperatures of men and women while watching various forms of pornography. What they discovered is that women get turned on as quickly as men. In other words, they like it. Now, we can assume the University was using very ‘female-friendly’ images, but the point here is that there is at least some common ground between men, women, and porn.

“I think guys would like their girls that they’ve been dating for a long time to try [porn] because sex with couples become very routine and could get boring,” explains porn queen, Jesse Jane. “But these are fantasies and believe it or not some girls like it, and on the other hand – some don’t.” But the surveys do suggest that more women are among the “like it” crowd than ever before.

From the year 2006 to 2007, women exploded from just 1.4 million porn watchers to 13 million, according to Nielson ratings. And not just because they became more interested… but because they felt more comfortable allowing themselves to indulge in that curiosity. And speaking of curiosity, let’s take a look at what sexy keywords women are searching on the internet as compared to men.

Today we’d imagine the number of female porn watchers has risen quite a bit since that 2007 survey, but we can’t really offer a percentage because women are told that porn is degrading from a young age, and therefore rarely admit to watching when asked. So we’ll leave the most recent statistic to your imaginations.

Porn and the Divorce Rate

In 2003, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reported porn to be a very significant reason for divorce. Okay, so we know that women watch porn, but they also don’t like to admit it. We also know that they think it is degrading, so it is not much of a stretch to consider it a factor in many relationship breakups.

And here is why:

Some Women Believe Porn is a Crippling Addiction

Why we are even discussing the topic of whether porn is healthy for your relationships or due to all the women who believe that porn is a crippling addiction. They read this on Google and certain magazines and it gives porn a bad name. So it is here that we have to ask the question – can porn really create a crippled addict?

Well, a lot of experts would say, not really. This is because most sexual addicts find a way to express their crippled selves, whether you allow them porn or not. Porn is not the cause, but rather a tool for people who are already a crippled addict. So if you have yourself mostly together, you should be able to prove any woman wrong.

So, Who Should Watch Porn?

To best answer this question, we will organize men and women into four quadrants.

Quadrant One – The person who uses porn and should

This person has a positive outlook on sex and uses porn as an additional stimulant to enhance that positive experience.

Prognosis: Porn is good for you.

Quadrant Two – The person who does not use porn, but should

This person has a generally positive outlook on sex, but they are not taking advantage of the additional stimulation that porn can offer. A lot of women would fall under this category.

Prognosis: Come on and get with the program, ladies!

Quadrant Three – The person who uses porn and should not

There are forms of unhealthy porn that are volent and degrading, and can lead to some pretty unhealthy behavior. There are also addictive personalities that can’t seem to put things like this down, and living with dry, sore, chapped, red hands are only the tip of the iceberg.

Prognosis: If you are an addictive personality, porn is something you’re going to need to keep under control, and that may mean not indulging in it.

Quadrant Four – The person who does not use porn and knows they should not

The person who has spent some time in quadrant three will hopefully one day find themselves here, because it will vastly improve their life. These are the people who understand their addictive nature, understand that they cannot enjoy porn in a positive fashion, and therefore don’t.

Prognosis: You do not do porn, and are better for it!

But wait, Does this Mean Porn is Good or Bad?

If you are not sure which quadrant you belong to, you might begin to wonder if there was some truth to all this anti-porn talk. That is why it is important to get this question out of the way before you even proposition your partner to watch with you. Is porn really bad for you and your relationship?

Well, the only reasonable answer to this question is the answer you come up with on your own. But let’s be honest with ourselves while we are at it. If the porn you are engaging in is stimulating to you but not degradding, then it would really only be considered bad if you (and her) believed that it was.

Now let’s talk about how you can make her into a believer?

Making the Perfect Woman

By most definitions, the perfect woman watches porn. But how can we make such a bold accusation? Well, way back in 1992 a group of researchers looked at the handfull of women who enjoyed porn and started building a chart based on what they all had in common. For one, they enjoyed having sex (yes, not all women ‘enjoy’ the act). Not only that, they also had a lot more sex than the woman who claimed they did not watch porn. Finally, (and this is a big one) they enjoyed sex more because they were achieving regular orgasms and had a partner who made them feel attrative.

These women also believed that sex was an important part of their relationship. If you have been paying attention, you may have caught on to the fact that the reason these women like sex (and porn) may be partially from the influence of their partner. Mainly the part about giving them good orgasms and making them feel attractive. That is somewhat within your power. So, if you want the perfect woman, it isn’t as much about finding her… but making her.

Go ahead and read that last sentence one more time. It is actually within your ability to turn a woman either for or against porn based on two things. One, how you handle it, and two, how you introduce her to it and make her feel overall.

Allow us to explain:

Sex Therapists Like Porn

It is not just men and sexually satisfied women who like porn – many sex therapists use it as a tool in their therapy. And this works because most every person on this planet is a natural voyeur. If we walk by a van that is rocking in an alley – we take notice, stare for a moment, and then likely experience a spike in sexual arrousal.

Porn works in the same fashion. By taking the stance of a voyeur, watching porn, it elicits a sexual adventurousness that may otherwise lie dormant. So, it is true that porn can wake up an otherwise boring sexual relationship.

How to Entice a Woman to Porn

What do you suppose is the number one reason that men fail to attract women to porn? According to Dr. Jess O’Reilly, they use porn footage as a form of how to. “Being inspired and turned on by porn is wonderful,” explains Dr. Jess. “But using it as a universal model for real life sex often fails.” And it can fail in a big way if you assume that these moves and corny pickup lines will actually work in the real world.

So, the way porn can be enticing to a woman is by using it as a tool for turning her on in the beginning, and not trying to embed your fantasies into it (at least not right off the bat). Remember, that you’ve got your work cut out for you to overcome all the bad publicity that porn has garnished in the social media. You’ve got to take the introductions slow, and warm her up to the idea of maybe trying some roleplay based on your favorite porn footage later on.

Porn can be good and porn can be bad for your relationships. But the important thing to take from such a criptic statement is that it is within (somewhere around 80 percent of) your control as to which direction it will take. Choose wisely, as the future of porn in relationships lies somewhat within your control.

Now we have one last question we’d like to address: