Lazy AF Guy’s Guide to Weight Loss

Men, being lazy is not a habit you want to uphold if you truly wish to succeed in life. In order to experience true freedom in terms of finances and true happiness, you need to learn to discipline yourself. And someday you just might make this positive change, but today is not that day.

Today, you’re in need of a simple weight-loss plan to counteract your couch-potato routine without having to change your habits too much. Preferably at all. “I have good news for lazy people,” explains Jeff Miller, a fitness trainer, and owner of Function Fitness. “A lot of fitness is about NOT doing, rather than doing.”

To that end, here is your foolproof guide to weight loss if you’re a lazy bastard.

Eat Real Food

“If it was born or was grown, you can eat it,” says Dr. Heather Hammerstedt, MD. “Don’t eat things in boxes or made in a factory.” And if you think that eating real food means that you are going to need to start ‘meal planning’, we never said that.

“Just make real food and put a bunch of it in glass containers you can see through in your fridge,” explains Dr. Heather. “When it is meal time, just open up the fridge, grab 2-3 things that are cooked already, and eat. (steamed broccoli, sauteed veggies, cooked sausage, cauliflower rice, salad premade in mason jars etc.).”

“[And] Get an Instapot,” says Dr. Heather. “Seriously. Now.”

And if you are too lazy to go all into real food, Dan DeFigio, author of Beating Sugar Addiction for Dummies reminds us that you can cheat while still cutting your junk food intake in half. “Pick a healthier substitute every other time,” says Dan. “Swap soda for mineral water with lime – Instead of a cookie, have a strawberry – Swap potato chips for some air-popped popcorn – This way you don’t have to ‘give up’ any of your favorite [nonreal] foods.”

Stick to a Strict Diet Schedule

Okay, so among other things making you fat, poor diet choices are by far your worst enemy. If you’re a lazy dude eating at a constant caloric surplus, then there is nothing for your body to do but store the excess energy as fat for “later use”, as if you’re ever going to get around to burning it. Or will you?

But before we can inspire you to get your butt off the couch and on the elliptical, it’s important that you tidy up your eating schedule. “My main suggestion for people who are lazy is to take meal replacement shakes,” says Kami Price, the head trainer, and nutritionist for “They are quick and easy to make, full of nutrients, low in calories – will keep you full, [and] the calorie deficit created by replacing 1-2 meals with meal replacement shakes will also make up for the need to work out long hours to lose weight.”

And speaking of schedules, Sabrina of, recommends setting your gym time in the same fashion as you would a dentist or doctor appointment. “But also to find workout buddies or classes that hold [you] accountable to go,” urges Sabrina. “People who don’t want to go to the gym or even go that far can work out from home.”

Yes, an altered food schedule does mean switching to healthy foods long-term, but for now, just try to refrain from constant snacking and stick to three balanced meals a day. And if you do get a bad case of the munchies, just drink a glass of water.

Feel More Sated with Pure Aqua

From professional athletes to professional lazy butts, no one is drinking enough water on a daily basis. And by simply checking for a few unmistakable signs, you’ll find out that you’re undehydrated as well. Water is essential to life, your body is more than 65% pure aqua, it’s responsible for maintaining a myriad of healthy bodily processes – so what the hell are you doing drinking one glass every two days?

“When we consume water, increasing slowly and methodically up to a gallon a day, we can flush out the body of waste,” recommends the author, KJ Landis, of the Superior Self series. “We can lubricate the organs and joints from the inside out – moisturize our skin from within.”

Besides, even if you’re not looking to get healthy, proper water intake (at least a gallon a day) can play a vital role in your weight loss routine. When you drink more water throughout the day, you’re tricking your mind into thinking you’ve actually put food in your belly. In turn, you will be able to hold out until dinner rolls along without consuming extra calories. Problem solved.

And while we’re on the topic of liquid refreshment for the betterment of your health, it only seems appropriate to mention cutting down on alcohol. “It seems cliche to say that alcohol is empty calories, especially when we all enjoy a drink or two (Just don’t make it three or seven),” reminds Allan Misner from 40+Fitness. “Order a water between each and not only will this help your waistline, [but] it will [also] improve your credit line.”

Find Your Motivation

Robert Herbst is a 19-time world champion, a 34-time National Champion, and owner of “One tip to get people going is to have some sort of mnemonic or trigger that will set them off,” recommends Robert. “It could be a picture of their children that will remind them why they need to lose weight or a saying, slogan, etc. – I use a card key from the Holiday Inn from a promotion they had around the London Olympics – It says Stay Inspired.”

“Another motivator would be to buy an expensive pair of sneakers or gym clothes, or pay for a gym membership, [etc.],” explains Robert. The idea here is to invest yourself to a point where you just can’t back out of your goal. “People will feel guilty about wasting the money and will exercise.” But you’ve got to go big for this motivator to work, according to the personal trainer, Steve Washuta. “Paying $15 a month for a box gym membership typically means you’ll skip 4 days a week when you’re tired, or busy,” says Steve. “Which is every day – and not reach your goals.”

“Don’t waste your time joining a gym,” advises, Celebrity Fitness Trainer, Donovan Green. “Because you won’t go – Instead, use that money to invest in a few dumbbells, a pull-up bar for your home, and even a stability ball.” And do you want to know how you can get more fit using extra time lying around each day? Donovan recommends 5 minutes of activity upon waking each morning. And then take 3 minutes out of every hour to do a few squats, push-ups, or jumping jacks. Follow that up with “walk meetings” with colleagues, and sitting on the floor while watching tv at night (the resulting fidgeting will burn more calories).

We’re talking about building a better body using only a few minutes per day. This is something anyone can do. And last, but not least, “Surround yourself with people who have similar goals as you,” says personal trainer, Travis Barrett. Friends and family can be powerful motivators if they are fully onboard helping you to become a better man.

Find a Workout that Suits You

Hey, relax, not everyone was brought into this world to love working out, or to be particularly inclined to spend two hours a day in a stuffy, smelly, room drooping over the treadmill when they could be at home doing the things they love. And that’s perfectly fine.

Nevertheless, you’ve got to get up and about, elevate your heart rate, and exercise just a bit in order to boost your metabolism and kick-start your weight loss program. If you’re not sure how to find your workout in the plethora of current fitness trends, just look for a workout session that suits your needs, and try to get the most out of it.

“When you start exercising, building the habit of exercising is more important than the amount of actual time you spend exercising,” recommends Jeff. So what we’re talking about here is starting small and getting used to the lifestyle change before implementing more time and effort to your goals.

“Small changes, over time, can build and make lasting changes,” says Brian Bender, Ph.D., and co-founder of “In a nutshell, try starting really small – so small, it might not even feel like you did much of anything.” That means one situp per day is actually a pretty good start. It will lead to two, then, four, and eventually 10 situps.

See, there’s a way to have your cake and eat it too. But don’t eat the cake.

Just Sleep More

Oh, what an amazing way to burn extra calories. Imagine that, sleeping your way to a sculpted physique. Getting some quality shut-eye every night can have profound health benefits for your mind and your body. Losing weight through reduced cortisol production (the catabolic stress hormone) is one of them by the way.

“Lazy people shouldn’t need much motivation to sleep more hours,” teases Maple Holistics health and wellness expert, Caleb Backe. “Many overweight or out of shape people struggle with a lack of sleep that inhibits their metabolic rate and stifles weight loss efforts – By sleeping a healthy 7-9 hours a night your body can begin to work its motor harder, resulting in more calories burned and more pounds dropped.”

So if you want to boost your weight loss potential, simply make sure you get quality sleep every night by turning in at the same time and rising early. Ditch your smartphone an hour before bedtime, and try to get at least seven hours of uninterrupted sleep. But don’t overdo it, eight hours is more than enough.

Change Your Diet, One Day at a Time

“Stop going on a diet,” says Dr. Heather Hammerstedt, MD, MPH, and CEO of “They don’t work long-term.” What you should do instead is “reframe your thoughts from dieting to I‘m worth this lifestyle change.” So, if you really want your weight loss plans to come to fruition, there is simply no way to avoid making some healthy diet changes.

And if you remember Brian’s tip earlier to make small changes over time, this trick can be useful with your diet too.

“Even if that is to add one vegetable dish with – dinner, that is better than adding no vegetable dish,” adds Sabrina. “[And make] a goal each week to try one new vegetable whether [you] like it or not.” Another tip from Brian is to keep a bowl of healthy snacks in a place that is convenient to grab. “You may just start naturally snacking on healthy foods simply by having them available and in your line of sight.”

This is why you want to change your macronutrient sources one day at a time, making one small change daily until your entire house (and your life) is rid of all unhealthy options. Be sure to weed out all processed foods, sugar, alcohol, and pastries, and watch as your belly starts to disappear.

Stop Snacking

And while we did just mention ‘healthy snacking’, a better alternative for some people is to stop snacking. “Decide only to eat at meal time – only eat when you are hungry,” says Dr. Heather. “Imagine a scale from -10 as the hungriest you can imagine and +10 as so full you can’t even button up and sit up. Start eating when you are -4 and not any hungrier than that – stop eating at +4.5.”

Losing weight doesn’t have to be an arduous task if you’re a guy that simply loves the finer things in life – such as not going to the gym. In fact, you can burn fat just as efficiently as the next guy by following these simple steps and exercising some much-needed self-discipline. And before you know it, you’ll be hearing, “Congratulations, you’re that dude who lost his belly (or moobs) without even trying.”

About Peter Minkoff

Peter is a men's lifestyle writer at The Beard Mag ( and Men-Ual magazine ( from the UK. Besides writing he worked as a men's grooming consultant for many fashion events. Follow Peter on Twitter ( for more tips.