Single men everywhere face a common challenge – to find that perfect someone. But you’re likely to also agree that there’s no shortage of experts and advice on dating, and if you’re tired of wading through the bs, then the following insight should help you to make better decisions for dating. We’ve talked to dozens of experts ourselves, filtered out the myths and given you something to think about.
This is about teaching men to stop putting their fate in “experts” and learning to evaluate common tips for yourself. Since there’s rarely any advice that’s a one size fits all solution, men need to take any lessons offered with a grain of salt and determine if the dating advice is legit. Read on with hesitation, think for yourself, and see if what’s mentioned doesn’t get you questioning what many have said. We’re not offering advice, we’re offering a mindset to let you determine your outcome.
Myth 1 – All Men Need is Love
The Beatles may have had their hearts in the right place when they sang this philosophy, but studies show that we all have our deal-breakers which make or break a relationship, no matter how much we love a woman. A few of these include drug addiction, personality disorders, sexual preference, religious/political background, and maturity.
Myth 2, 3, 4 and 5 – Women Don’t Want to Be Approached
The Big 4 myths are: That she doesn’t want to be approached, that you might be bothering her, that she will be rude or slap you and that women don’t like sex even more than men do.”
-Richard La Ruina, PUA Training
Myth 6 – A One Night Stand Causes Loss of Respect
While no one is necessarily going to say that a one night stand is a good way to start a relationship, most research points to the fact that it is the type of people who engage in this activity that propagate the rumors, more so than the one night stand itself.
Myth 7- Women Want to Settle Down and Men Just Want to Hook-Up
A Market Tools/Match.com survey of over 5000 singles revealed that when it comes to commitment, modern daters are defying culturally-imposed gender roles: men not only fall in love more quickly, but younger men are more likely to report a desire to have children in the future. Women also rate independence within a relationship more highly than single men do with 77% rating personal space as ‘very important’ in comparison to only 58% of men. I work with thousands of couples around the world every year and men are far more likely to ask me questions related to relationships and commitment than casual sex and hookups. Women do ask about one-night stands, but their primary concern relates to whether or not it’s acceptable to have them. Ultimately, there are greater differences among men and women than between the sexes.”
-Jessica O’Reilly, VigorMan’s Relationship Expert
Myth 8 – Women Reach Their Sexual Peak At 36
There is no good scientific proof that a man will reach his ‘sexual’ peak at age 18 or a woman at age 36. So don’t let age dictate who you date.
Myth 9 – It Doesn’t Matter What Everyone Says, I’m the Only One Who Knows Her
When in love, chemicals in our brain put us into a natural high, which also clouds our perception. If too many people seem to be against someone you’re with, it is usually a good idea to consider what they’re saying, as they may be the only ones who are seeing the situation clearly.
Myth 10 – I Know All I Need to After the First Date
You should never read too much into a first date as there are too many variables that can skew a first impression, such as nervousness, circumstance, and fashion choice.
Myth 11 – I Can Change Her
Oh no you can’t. Most research suggests that what you see is what you get… when it comes to women.
Myth 12 – Porn Ruins Dating Relationships (or So She Says)
Statistics suggest that nearly all men engage in some amount of porn viewing while nearly half of all women do. Porn can be healthy for any relationship if viewed together to illicit mood, curiosity, and express fantasies. This means that no man should hide his porn activities, but actually sharing them along with his partner.
Myth 13 – Pickup Lines Never Work
Research shows that humorous and/or complimentary pickup lines can work on some women when delivered with honesty, creativity, and sincerity.
Myth 14 – You Need to be Successful, Wealthy, and Have an Exciting Lifestyle to Attract Women.
Most my clients possess all three of these qualities. They literally have ticked not he boxes that society says men need to tick if they want to be successful with women and they still come to me for help. Women are trying to ascertain four qualities in a man: Strength of character, consistency, certainty and an unapologetic nature. Wealth and success usually are considered to be a result of confidence or they result IN confidence, which is why women are INITIALLY drawn to high achievers, but if those lack the qualities then all they will be left with is the gold diggers.”
-Kezia Noble, Leading female dating coach for men
Myth 15 – Living Together is a Good Test for Compatibility
It is a common belief that living together can help iron out the wrinkles before marriage, however, most research suggests living together actually increases the risk of divorce. It is not necessarily the living together that increases these odds, but the type of people who prefers to test the waters.
Myth 16 – The Bedroom is the Best Place to Find Out Intimate Details
A high majority of the “big questions” that come up while dating are answered in the privacy of your (or her) bedroom, as this is believed to be the best time to open up about the details of your life and relationship. However, according to research, the bedroom is the worst place to get the truth. If you want to find out what she really thinks, try talking to her in the morning at the breakfast table.
Myth 17 – The Third Time’s a Charm
People with many failed relationships and marriages often believe the third time will be the charm. In truth, multiple breakups and divorces signify a problem with your approach to relationships. This explains why most second marriages have a 60 to 67 percent chance of failure, and most third attempts only have a 73 to 74 percent chance.
Myth 18 – A Man Needs to Be Persistent
In romantic comedies, the woman had to reject the guy so that there can be tension/drama. So the guy keeps pursuing relentlessly after being rejected. However, if you try that in real life, it’s called stalking. If a woman isn’t returning your calls or willing to go out with you, keep it moving. It’s a myth to think that you just need to be persistent and eventually she’ll give in.”
-Lucia, Author of Lucia’s Lessons of Love
Myth 19 – Honesty is Always the Best Policy
While in general it is a good idea to be honest, there are times when honesty can become a toxic truth (“You look frumpy in that dress”). As long as a white lie is designed to protect the feelings of the individual being lied to, it is acceptable. It is when a lie is made up to protect only that of your own interests, that it becomes questionable.
Myth 20 – A Man Can’t Love Two Women At the Same Time
While Psychological evidence suggests that it may be difficult to love two people at once, loving two opposing partners is actually quite easy to do. The mind is simply combining the best portions of each personality, creating one ultimate perfect partner.
Myth 21 – A Cold Shower Soothes a Man’s Mojo
If a date ends without a bang, some men suggest that it is a good idea to relieve any lingering sexual energy by taking a cold shower. What research has found, however, is that cold showers actually stimulate the hormones, thereby producing the opposite effect.
Myth 22 – Nothing Can Mend a Broken Heart
Science suggests that there are actually moderate cures to the pain of a broken heart, which includes painkillers (aspirin, ibuprofen, etc), talking with friends to release oxytocin (feel-good chemical in the brain), and exercising to reduce the buildup of stress hormones and encourage the release of endorphins (more feel-good chemicals).
Myth 23 – Women are Biologically Inclined to Cheat Less
According to the researcher, Satoshi Kanazawa, the mushroom shape of a man’s sexual organ suggests a historical unfaithfulness by women throughout time. Its shape is believed to have been adapted through the evolutionary process to help scoop out the seed of other men, before depositing his own.
Myth 24 – All Women are Cheaters
While the number of male cheaters in relationships has been found to be higher than women, women are quickly catching up. But the reality is that most women cheat when they feel as if they have no other choice to find happiness. In other words, much of this could be avoided by communicating with her regularly, listening to her problems and taking the necessary steps to correct (or compromise) with her.
Myth 25 – She Cheated Because She No Longer Loves You
Sometimes cheating can signal your partner has fallen out of love with you, but some women cheat to avoid intimacy. These women are known as Intimacy Phobics, and they casually roam from relationship to relationship because they fear the word, commitment, more than they do being labeled a bad girl.
Myth 26 – Women Love a Sensitive Man
Recent studies suggest that most women preferred masculine bad boys (square jaw, large nose, carefree attitude) for casual dating, and only consider a sensitive man (small chin, raised eyebrows, caring) when searching for a lifetime partner.
Myth 27 – Women Prefer ‘Nice’ Guys
One of the worst myths is definitely the idea that the more of a ‘nice guy’ you are, the more women will be attracted. Women adore a great man of character who does the right thing, but never a man who’s either needy or a doormat.”
-Scot McKay, X & Y Communications
Myth 28 – There is Just More of You to Love
Statistics suggest that most women prefer an average sized partner (in build, get your minds out of the gutter). In studies by Cornell University, 60 percent of women claimed they would never date an over-sized man and the researchers wondered if this tendency was perhaps a sign of natural selection (survival of the fittest) at work.
Myth 29 – The Perfect Girl is Out There; Somewhere
We are living among the popular myth that there is a perfect woman out there. There is a very fine line between being too picky and compromising the reality of your relationships. According to most research, a man can be perfectly happy with 80 percent of his needs met.
And here are five more dating myths courtesy of ThinkTank:
How To Seduce Women – Insider Tips From A Female Dating Expert
The Art of Seduction – Interview With Zan Perrion
How to Seduce Women – The Wing Girl Dishes On What Most Dating Coaches Get Wrong