A real man should not be required to calculate arithmetic, name all 50 states, or recite the alphabet to proclaim his value to the world. In fact, I think that a man’s IQ should reflect his common sense and overall chance to survive without a smartphone, Google, and multi-language instruction manual.
1.) If you’re at a half price sale and you see an item on sale for $2.00, what would be your final price?
a) Who cares, I wouldn’t buy it–it’s cheap.
b) $4.00 plus tax
c) Half of $2.00
d) You never gave me a price
2.) A thunderstorm suddenly appears while on a walk, and you look around to see an umbrella, a dense patch of trees, and an old substation shack–the first thing that enters your mind is…
a) A little water never hurt anyone
b) I’ll grab the umbrella because it will be the lowest metal object around me
c) I’ll duck into the statically charged substation since it will provide the best coverage
d) I’ll jump on the substation with the umbrella, and look to see if I can find a taller object for a better view of the storm
3.) If you are cooking bacon on the stove, and flames suddenly leap out onto your clothing…
a) Pull out the baking soda from the cupboard and smother the flame
b) Stop, Drop, and Roll
c) Call your best friend to see what they’d recommend
4.) If you are watching a magician, and he has just pulled a rabbit from his hat–you’d probably wonder…
a) When is this shit going to be over?
b) Where is the hidden storage bin?
c) How was that rabbit able to breath in that hat?
d) Who would win in a battle between mighty mouse and that magic rabbit?
5.) If you’re out in a deserted wilderness and a tree falls…
a) Get out of the way
b) I would be the only one who knew it made a sound
c) A tree would have fallen
d) Therefore; I exist
6) If your car breaks down in the middle of a highway…
a) Check for traffic before opening the door to do anything
b) Open the door, push car to the side of the road, prop open the hood, and pretend to be fixing stuff
c) Open the door, walk around the vehicle; then sit inside waiting for someone to help
d) Open the door and stand in the middle of the road
7) You are on an icy road and your vehicle begins to jackknife to the right…
a) Turn the steering wheel to the right to straighten out
b) Turn the wheel towards the direction you’re sliding
c) Stomp on the brake pedal and shout, “Shit!”
d) After shimmying to the left, I would do another jackknife to the right
a) = 4 points
b) = 3 points
c) = 2 points
d) = 1 point
Your True Man IQ:
24-28 points: Okay, so you have got your head screwed on straight for the most part. You see through the bullshit and look at things for what they are. If you were on the Titanic you would have probably been a survivor.
19-23 points: You like to think that you are pretty smart; but guess what? You’re only a bit above average. You follow all the rules that you have been told to you since getting your ass beat with your father’s speed hole drilled paddle named ‘Buster’. Grow up and start making your own decisions.
13-18 points: Do you even know what planet you are currently on? Could you even read any of these questions properly? I think we should just pretend this IQ test never happened.
7-12 points: The shit in your brains has shit for brains. If we pulled together a group of the stupidest people on earth, they would all concur that you were even more stupid than them. Okay, I’m exaggerating a little, as none of those people would even know what the word concur meant, but you would still be stupid.