How many of you guys have dated an amazing woman, only to mess up, and have absolutely no idea what went wrong? Did you know that there are game rules for getting laid, and if you play them right, you actually can have your cake, and eat it every night without a single complaint. It seems that there is a lot of unchartered territory in the dating realm. This is why we have turned to Charles J. Orlando, the author of The Problem with Women… is Men, to help you discover what it is that most women want.
Urbasm: Is there a problem with men who are just out to get laid?
Charles Orlando: There is nothing wrong with that, provided that they are honest about it. There is nothing wrong with those relationships as long as everyone is playing by the same rules. The problem occurs when these are married men whose wives do not know. The second problem is that men do not necessarily make their intentions clear. Third, when you put up a picture of your junk, and there is nothing else with it, this is not seductive to a woman.
Urbasm: Which type of guy are most women attracted to?
Charles: The guy who comes across as the most mysterious and challenging, and who is not emotionally available, is guaranteed to get lots of girls under the age of 25. That same guy will not have much luck with women over the age of 30 or 35, who have been married. This is because they know that guy. Those same men have nothing to offer a woman who is looking for something long-term. That is really the problem with dating boot camps. They teach men with low self-esteem how to bring a woman down to their level. From there, they are able to even the playing field and sleep with them. Once these girls become their girlfriend, these men have no skills to have a successful relationship. They know how to meet and bang them, but they don’t know how to keep them. That girl will end up getting her self-esteem shattered, and will think all guys are assholes.
Urbasm: How would you describe the man that every woman wants?
Charles: Women are social creatures. They are community driven, whereas men are not. We are problem solvers; we hunt shit down and kill it. This is not what modern-day relationships are. Modern day relationships have some level of intimacy, so unless you roll that way, you are not going to find success. For the guys who are in a good place. In other words, they have done a lot of growth to better themselves; these are the guys who will maintain a long-term relationship. Unfortunately, these are also the guys who may get ripped by the girls who have been hurt in the past.
Urbasm: Are men really always the problem, as the title of your book suggests?
Charles: Women are settling for second best. They are encouraging, and many times enabling all this crappy behavior from men. What I ask is for women to stop shoveling for this crap, and men to bring something better to the table. On the other hand, there are plenty of women who have negative traits. There are three women, in particular, that men should look out for.
One, women who run hot and cold. These women don’t have their priorities in order, and should be avoided at all costs. Nothing you do will make them run more hot. They have their own stuff going on, and need to solve that for themselves. Two, women who are always after the challenge. They only love you when you treat them like shit. They also need to work on themselves, or this is never going to change. Three, women who are clingy. These women are actually trying to find self-validation in you, which is why they hold on so tight. They are just a shell of a person. No guy wants that.
Urbasm: What are your best tips for being successful with women?
Charles: Be honest and be straight, but also have your expectations in check. There is nothing wrong with dating sites. However, don’t get caught up in this whole, I want to be in a relationship, thing. Just meet people and see how it goes. Stop trying to force feed yourself romance. Just introduce yourself and see what happens. Relax. Stop putting all this pressure on yourself.
And I’ll give you two last pieces of advice. Be careful what you wish for. There are so many men who say they want a girl with whom they can play video games, watch football, drink a beer, and hang out with. I would like to remind those men, that they have just described how they would spend time with another man. While some of these activities can be shared, there is going to be a meeting of the genders that has to take place. The other thing is, I think I am the only relationship expert who says communication is not the cornerstone of a successful relationship. Communication for many people, means hanging out and waiting for your turn to speak. Whereas, what a successful relationship needs, is active listening and empathy. You don’t have to agree. You just have to listen to what the person is saying, and internalize it.
Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert and social inspirationalist at TheProblemisMen.com.