What Every Man Should Do Before Having Sex – According to Women

You’re a confident man. You know everything there is to know about sex – right? Yeah, but has your knowledge been forged by your own experience or the experience of the gender you are about to have sex with? Because that is two different things. Most men fudge up in the sex department – not by their technique – but in their motions and decisions prior to getting their groove on.

Let’s make sure that you don’t become one of those guys.

Talk About it First, and Not Just Dirty Talk

The reason why sex is sometimes so-so the first time is because neither partner really knows what the other person likes. Sex is all about experimentation, but if your partner is in left field, and you still haven’t even got into the stadium parking lot, you’re both going to be more than just a little disappointed. But here’s where things can get tricky. Most women are uncomfortable with telling a guy what they prefer in bed. So what men have to do is open the discussions up early, playfully, and with honest curiosity. Not right before the act, but a little earlier in the week (or date). If you can get a woman comfortable enough to talk about sex, she will be comfortable enough to talk to you in bed, which is where it will do the most good.

Now Let’s Get to the Dirty Talk

Let’s say that you’ve laid the foundation, you’ve opened the topic of sex and now you want to get a little more intimate. What do you do? According to Dr. Jess O’Reilly of Sex with Dr. Jess, you should launch straight into the bedroom talk. “Once you’re in the bedroom, use gentle dirty talk to learn more about her likes,” explains Dr. Jess. “There? More? Slower? Good?”

Don’t Be So Predictable

Do you always grab a woman’s chin when you’re in the mood for making whoopie? Or maybe your cue is to get playful with her feet. Well, that harmless move is not doing your sex life any good, and here’s why. “Touch her even when you’re not in the mood for sex,” recommends Dr. Jess. “She likely doesn’t want to feel as though you only touch-kiss her as a means to initiate sex.” Long paragraph short: Keep your woman on her toes when it comes to dropping sex hints.


One of the biggest causes for organ malfunctions in the bedroom is stressing out too much over the act itself. Women are nervous about sex for the first time, and they will pick up on your nervousness and it will make them even more uncomfortable. Women are drawn to men who make them feel relaxed and good about themselves. The sexiest thing to any woman is not your size or motions (although that can be important too), but how relaxed and sexy they feel before those motions get started.

Make Her Feel Like She’s the First

I’m not saying that you need to be fumbling with her bra, or checking the anatomy chart to make sure you’re working in the right area. What I’m saying is that women want to feel special. They don’t want to be compared to anyone else, they don’t want to have the moment interrupted so you can send a quick text or check to see how the game turned out. She’s put a lot of thought into giving you permission, and she wants you to appreciate that and give her your full attention in return.

Get Your Priorities in Order

Most sexual encounters fizzle out because one partner is too focused on their (or her) orgasm. Yes, us women love our orgasms, but we achieve them best when we are not thinking about them. Your first priority to sex is to get your woman relaxed and make sure that her mind is not wandering off to other topics, like work, chores, what she wants to eat later, or when you’re getting ready to have your orgasm. The less a woman thinks about the finale, the more she will enjoy getting there and feel – relaxed. Yes, there’s that word again, and that’s because it’s important.

Proper Preparation

If you’d stroll into the emergency room on a Saturday evening, there is a surprising number of attendees who are there due to sex-related injuries. I bet you were expecting that – but yes, working your way up to more complicated moves is always a good thing. And now for the tip you were expecting – and that is to make sure your woman is properly turned on. Almost every survey about sex mentions that men do not engage in foreplay near long enough. And worst of all, some men are getting their tips from the wrong sources. “[Men] take their cues from porn,” says Dr. Jess. “There is nothing wrong with wanting to screw like a porn star, but mainstream porn is intended to titillate — not educate.” The good news is that foreplay is not that difficult to learn if you follow these simple tips from Men’s Health to get your momentum.

Moderate Alcohol = Relaxed; Excessive Alcohol = Sleep

We’re not talking rocket science here, and most every guy already knows this – but even with that knowledge, there is still a large number of sex opportunities that go unfulfilled due to one member of the party getting drunk and falling asleep early. The rules should be: Moderate alcohol intake helps you to lose your inhibitions and relax (two or three drinks). Four or five drinks can make you skip all the fun parts of ‘sleeping together’ and leave you with just the sleeping part. So keep it under control, and please help us ladies keep it under control because we sometimes lose count. And that will not work to your advantage as those old 80’s and 90’s films used to suggest.

About Pamela Causfield

I'm a digital nomad and story teller that writes for Urbasm and a few other websites on men's interests, style, relationships and whatever tickles my fancy. In my spare time I like to play the field in search of my prince, travel, and consider myself an artisan of sarcasm at times.