The 21st Century Guide to the Modern First Date

Romance couple

No one understands dating in the 21st century better than comedian Aziz Ansari, who is the creator and star of “Master of None” on Netflix. The show follows Dev, a young working actor in New York wandering through the ups and downs of dating from a modern perspective. While the show opened to rave reviews, it wasn’t Ansari’s first rodeo with millennial single life — he co-wrote “Modern Romance” with sociologist Eric Klinenberg, which spent weeks on the New York Times best seller list.

Between the show and the book, Ansari created a bit of a road map for younger men dating in a world where Tinder, social media and iPhones have overtaken the expired and outdated methods of courtship. But if “modern romance” sounds fast and complicated, know that even as times change, some things will always remain the same. Use some of these bits on your first date to navigate the choppy seas of today’s dating world with expertise.

Auto-Correct Humanity

1. Be Yourself

The most obvious advice is the one that everyone throws out the window on a first date. You naturally strive to present the best version of yourself on the first date, but if you go too far and show a version that is a fabrication, the relationship is destined to crash in the second, third or fourth date. False faces aren’t sustainable and you aren’t doing any favors by overdoing it with the first impression.

Instead, focus on highlighting your best qualities that your date can notice. Of course, men and women alike will be on their best behavior during a first date, but if you stick to who you are, then that first impression will endure throughout your relationship.

On the road

2. Show Her Something New

Coffee is nice, and a bar is fine, but what makes them unique? Change the scenery and find a new coffee shop with a latte flavor she’s never had before, or find a hole-in-the-wall pub with a new type of Guinness she has never tried. People make positive associations with new experiences, no matter how small. Even if the date itself is no different than a Starbucks or popular bar, she will make a different connection and appreciate the effort to make the day or night unique.

3. Tinder Is Fine, but Use Caution

There’s nothing wrong with Tinder, the fast-paced dating app that decides matches with a swipe right or left, but its reputation didn’t come out of thin air. Tinder is commonly known as a “hookup app,” and with good reason, but there are people who also meet their future wives and husbands on it, too.

Like Match,com, OKCupid and any other dating sites, it’s all about expectations. The easier it is to instantly connect on a dating app, the easier it is to walk into a first date that is less than ideal. Keep an open mind and know that if you want to use Tinder, that’s totally okay. But be prepared to search through the rough before you find a diamond.


4. Give Her Space

Your ability to connect instantly amplifies the temptation to send a text or message immediately after a first date. A simple, “I had fun tonight. Let’s do it again soon,” is fine, but don’t get jumpy if she doesn’t instantly respond. Just like you may be going on dates with other women, she’s probably also going on dates with other men. Just like Tinder, it all goes back to expectations. It’s not fair to her to assume she has to decide on the spot whether or not there is a future after one date, so give her some space and if she wants to go forward, you will hear back.


Author Bio: Jim Burch: Born and raised near St. Louis, I developed an obsession for baseball and the Cardinals. College days brought me south to Kentucky where I studied creative writing and journalism while working as an editor for the Murray State News. These days, I write diverse and sexy copy and hone my physical prowess at my CrossFit gym in Chandler, AZ. My specialties range from movies and television to consumer technology to health and fitness.

About Doc Hollandaise

Lover, fighter, and bona fide sex expert.

About Doc Hollandaise

Lover, fighter, and bona fide sex expert.