She’s confident, beautiful and has curves to boot—and you definitely don’t see her as just a friend. So what do you do? The friend zone is murky territory. It holds the intimacy that best friends share but doesn’t include the sensuality that couples have, and the friendship seems a little uneven. If you want both best friend and couple status, get out the friend zone with these tips:
Be Less Available
It seems counterintuitive, but absence really does makes the heart grow fonder. Neediness is your enemy. Don’t encourage jealousy, but do keep her on her toes. Don’t act like you’re waiting around for her (even if you are).
Let Her Know You Notice
Women who have been friends with guys for too long get comfortable. They come over wearing booty shorts and a tank top. They also might be a little overt, walking around in a sports bra or changing in front of you.
But you’re not a robot. You notice how how beautiful she is. Tell her. It’s important that she starts to see you as a man, rather than view you the way she does her dad or brother.
If you love the way she walks, the way she pronounces her “R”s and her uncanny ability to name a song before it’s even five beats in, say something. Noticing is a big deal, and it can make a woman swoon.
There is a fine line between being clear and forward and being creepy. You don’t want to scare her off with over-the-top gestures or inappropriate comments, but you also don’t want to underestimate the relationship you’ve already established (which, let’s be honest, probably already includes inappropriate comments).
- If she’s wearing something particularly flattering, tell her. And don’t be shy about it.
- Recognize that she may have been feeling the same thing toward you but hasn’t expressed it.
- Be confident.
- Don’t push. Give her the time to process. Switching positions from friend zone to boyfriend material sometimes takes more than just a few hours to get used to, even if you both want the switch.
- Don’t give her the go-ahead to vent about other guys. It’s not your responsibility to listen to her guy problems—she’s got girlfriends for that.
If goofy is your forté, play off her silliness. Go shoot some hoops. Let her teach you her unbeatable hookshot and you can hold her hips square while she practices her free throws. Play a competitive game of 1-on-1. Haven’t you ever seen “Love and Basketball?”
Holidays present a challenge for men in the friend zone. Do you get her something romantic or something that further sets you back into the zone? If you’re serious about pursuing a relationship with her, be bold. If you’re good with your hands, make her a heart-felt gift that displays the depth of your affection.
Not artistic? That’s OK—write a nice note in a card and send flowers her way. Roses say “romance,” not best bro.
Take Her on an Actual Date
Fast food at midnight doesn’t count. From drinking buddy to love of your life might be a hard jump to make, but if you ask her explicitly if you can take her on a date, she just might be flattered.
There is nothing wrong with a tried-and-true dinner at a nice restaurant, but don’t be afraid to get creative, either. Set up a romantic picnic, get a hold of a telescope and spend an evening looking at the stars. Then make dinner and enjoy a rom-com Netflix movie on the couch. Only this time, snuggle in close; footsie and hand-holding under the blanket are encouraged.
This is a post by Chels Knorr who likes to write about things that matter. If she could, she’d be a professional student. To make money, she edits. To spend money, she travels. More work at chelsknorr.com.