Most experts of the subject (those who will at least admit being an expert in this area), speculate that the human species used mostly sticks, dirt, and leaves with an occasional stone to cleanse between pit stops in the beginning. If you were of the coastal regions, mussel shells were the rage. It is, of course, only human to find the easiest and most available resources to get the job done.
Those of the Arab nations had their very own prescribed method, which I’m sure most of us have heard of at some point or another. So, I will spare you the details, and suffice to say, never shake the left hand of an Arab man you do not know. If by chance you ever forget which hand it is to not shake, I suggest refraining from shaking hands all together, and just give a simple nod.
Rome eventually upgraded themselves to sponges attached to the end of a stick soaked in salt water. The biggest complaint within this method was those few unmentionables that forgot to rinse the damn sponge for the next customer. Albeit incredibly small, this may have been that unforeseen factor that exceeded the division of the Greek society. Just don’t tell anyone you heard that from me.
It was not until the 1700’s that the first resemblance of what we know toilet paper to be was introduced, the daily newspaper. How appropriate this may have been in many circumstances, as I have read an article or two in my day that was begging for such a destination in life (hell, this may be one of them). If not newspaper, then a Sears catalog took a close second in popularity.
Sears may have mistaken their catalogs popularity for many years, but were set straight in the 1930s, when they changed their page mixture to a heavy, glossy composition. They received several letters of complaint from many of their more sensitive bottomed patrons. They never did change back however, and even today you would not want to be stuck on a camping trip with only a Sears Catalog in your backpack. Around this same time that Sears was on its way out, the soft fluffy version of toilet paper that we know today, was on its way in.
It took time, and a few minor scrapes here and there… Okay, it took a whole lot of time, and even more swelling, sand burn, itching, and splinters then I would care to imagine. However, we did eventually figure things out. A little more intelligent insight and thought may have sped things along, but I certainly have nothing to complain about. We, after all, are reaping all the benefits from the anguished bottoms of the previous era. What else can be said about a spoiled nation, whose current hardships include a batch of runny coleslaw at the local KFC!
About Dr. Eric J. Leech
Eric has written for over a decade. Then one day he created Urbasm.com, a site for every guy.
About Dr. Eric J. Leech