Cosmo’s magazine gives a lot of guys a bad wrap for being a combination of a player, jerk, mamma’s boy, and cheap a**. Well, I’ve got news for Cosmo; guys aren’t the only reason that many women have adopted steeper security measures to keep the straitjacket cuckoos off their caller ID’s and doorstep. Most men would rather spend an evening with Richard Simmons, then go out with one of these 19 women.
1. The Complaint Box
Cell phone customer service employees must hate their job. It usually involves listening to people bitch all day long about how much they hate you. Imagine a relationship with someone who points out each of your faults, and you never even get a lunch break.
2. Psycho’s Sister
She’s always crying, yelling, or threatening to remove some portion of your male anatomy. She could just be overly dramatic, or she could also be three aluminum trailers from a tornado. Do you really want to take that chance?
3. Just One of the Guys, Girl
Some girls think that guys all want a girl who can be just one of the guys. If that were true, we’d all be gay.
4. The Sex Tease
This girl has learned the fundamental fact that you can achieve a guy’s interest, simply by making him believe he’s going to get lucky. The only luck this woman brings, is if she’s harboring a sexual disease, you know she’s at least saving you from a doctor’s visit.
5. Hates Your Friends, Girl
A man can never really be sure if his friends are all cads. However, if she is anything less than a solid eight and a half on the scale, I’d roll with the old saying, Bro’s before ho’s.
6. The Gold Digger
This goes both for the variety who mine for golden nuggets in their nose (these women do exist; I’ve seen them on the bus), as well as those who prefer the ones in your wallet. If you’ve got lots of money, and would like to keep it that way, this is another girl I’d cross off your list.
7. You’re Not Good Enough, Girl
A man will never be good enough for this woman. Give up! There’s more easily satisfied girls out there.
8. The Ex Collector
These girls must not have received the memo that once a relationship is over, you’re supposed to dump your ex, and move on. You could always wait around until you get to join the club. Or better yet, cancel your subscription before the bill arrives.
9. Mrs. 21 Excuses
This girl lacks the guts to tell a poor bloke that she has absolutely no interest in him. Instead, she comes up with a barrage of increasingly lame excuses for why she can’t go out. She really hasn’t washed her hair 1,365 times since last February.
10. The Smooch, Hug, Let’s Do it Again, But Never Does, Wench
I think the title should say it all!
11. Androgynous Pat
These are the women who give absolutely no sign of being interested in… well, anything!
12. The Girl Living with Roommates After Age 30
Life is one big party when you are in an apartment (or house) with a bunch of other girls. However, unless they are into group sex, this adds absolutely no value to us guys. In fact, it can actually be a bit annoying.
13. The Daddy-Please, Girl
Daddy’s little girl has been pampered all her life. If you have seen the movies, you know these dads are like fortresses, when it comes to asking for the key to her chastity belt. Truth is, if he has any smarts, he can’t wait to unload her demanding a** onto some rich, unsuspecting bloke.
14. The Girl Who Calls Her Parents By Their First Name
If a girl can’t even muster up enough respect for her family, how well do you think she’s going to treat some guy she just dug out of a bar?
15. The Backup Plan
These women are rarely available, unless all 25 of her other favorite men are all busy. At this point, she will take whatever she can get, which unfortunately, always seems to be you!
16. Mrs. Sticky Buns
You can’t shake this chick no matter how hard you try. She is always texting, calling, and just when you think you finally lost her; she’s waiting on your doorstep.
17. The Bit**
Why do men like these heartless wenches? Well, because, deep down, we are all knights in shining armor, looking for a princess to save. These women do need saving, but don’t bother, as no amount of life preservers will keep you afloat once your anchored to one of these toilet bowls.
18. Mrs. “I’m So Cute”
This is the girl who stands in front of the mirror every morning, and gasps at the sight of her beauty. “Oh, I look so cute in these pants,” she says, as the rest of the world throws up just a little in their mouth… and then swallows.
19. The Leftover
These are the girls whom nobody else wants. Guys, quit reheating these duds. Most leftovers taste like crap the next day (excluding chili).